Since after the holidays I’ve been struggling to get through a sort of musical depression for lack of a better word. I haven’t been happy with the results I’ve been getting with regards to my trumpet playing and improvisation. I found myself being extremely critical not only of performances but of my work in the practice room. Nothing felt right, sounded right… it was pretty bad and I found myself dreading the 2 hours of daily practice that I normally knock out. I did it any way but it was torturous.
At first I thought it was my routine. While my trumpet practice was very organized I felt that my jazz practice was too loosely structured. I got some help from a friend to organize my jazz practice sessions. While that helped I still found myself being overly negative with regards to what I was doing and more importantly – where I was as a musician.
I wasn’t sure if it was due to outside influences but I began to question whether or not I was fooling myself to think I can actually do it. Can a cat who works a 9 to 5 job actually become a good trumpet player and improviser? That thought scared me because I couldn’t imagine myself NOT playing the trumpet and jazz. Music has become such in integral part of who I am – the depression started to slide into my non-trumpet life. Nothing seemed right.
It took some time but it slowly became clear. I had lost the joy of playing and it was how I approached things mentally. I began to really look at what I was doing and my thinking process. I pulled out my copy of Effortless Mastery: Liberating the Master Musician Within and began to re-read it. That combined with reading other materials allowed the clouds to start to recede. Here are some of the things that I discovered…
Comparison to Others
One thing I found myself doing was constantly comparing my growth to others. I looked at where they were and where I was. If I didn’t measure up, there was obviously something wrong with me and what I was working on. Wrong! Everyone develops at a different pace. Music is not a race – it’s a journey. I am trying to learn how to enjoy every part of it and not be judgmental. I am as good as I need to be RIGHT NOW. If I keep working hard and practicing smart – being “good” will take care of itself.
Don’t take the words of others as gospel – especially if it is nasty or negative. If you find yourself getting a large dose of that from someone – move on. You know what you’re capable of. Stay focused and keep moving. I am lucky enough to have a support system of friends and fellow musicians who offer constructive criticism. Those are the people that I listen to.
Focused Goals in the Practice Room
At some point I think I lost sight of how I should approach my practice sessions. My big picture goal of becoming a good trumpet player and improviser spilled into everything. Instead of focusing on the quality of my sound for long tones, clean articulation for tonguing or moving a lick around in 12 different keys – I was thinking about the big picture. How good was I? That is always a recipe for disaster. I will have more “victories” if you keep my mind focused on the goal of each exercise. If I do well with a particular drill that means my practice is paying off. If not – I’ve found a weak spot and now I can work to improve it. It’s a win no matter how I look at it.
My man Lorenzo always tells me – Practice is not good or bad. It’s just practice. A neutral attitude will help me tremendously.
Enjoy the Gigs!
A wise man once told me that gigs were the reward for hard work in the practice room. I often find myself dreading the gigs and not enjoying myself. That is something I am going to try to avoid in the near future. I’m sure I will get nervous (everyone does) but once the music starts I’m going to bring the best that I have to offer and enjoy myself. I also need to work on how I react to listening to recordings from gigs. That may take some time… hearing myself play is worse than hearing myself speak! If this means there are a few gigs that I don’t record – fine. I do enough recording in the practice room so cutting myself some slack on gigs is probably ok.
Remember Rule #15 from Pat Harbison’s Bill Adam Sticky
Never get angry with yourself and never try to go so fast that anxiety is created. If you do those things you are actually practicing being anxious and upset when playing. Of course that is how you will feel emotionally when you play if that is how you have practiced. Relax. It is supposed to be fun. We don’t work music. We play music.
The entire post is fantastic whether you are a student of Bill Adam’s teachings or not. You can read it here.