I will be completely honest with everyone… if someone had told me that
playing trumpet was as difficult as it has turned out to be I would have never
picked it up. Seriously. I've been silent over the past few weeks because I
didn't want to write this but it is the truth. Granted, I've been practicing
like a dog but the feeling and thought still lingers.

Trumpet is an unforgiving instrument. Brutally unforgiving. I will probably
get emails saying that I?m making it harder than it is but I can?t lie. I feel
as if I have hit a wall over these past few months and it is really, really
frustrating. It is one of those walls where you look at what is before and you
wonder if you will EVER get to the other side ? hell, halfway up! Granted, I can
look back and see where I have come from BUT… Over the weekend while playing
lip slurs my frustration grew to the point where I attempted to put my fist
through the wall that I was serenading. I've been frustrated before but these
past few months have been the worst. In case anyone is curious, I?ve got no
broken bones. Fortunately for me, drywall has some spring in it!

There is a part of me that wants to take a break from it during the holidays.
Maybe some time away will clear my mind and truly remind me of why I picked it
up to begin with. Unfortunately I can't for two reasons (really three but I will
cover that in the final paragraph)… 1) I'm scared I will lose the little bit
of chops that have and 2) I'm just too stubborn (and stupid). I look at all the
folks who can do it and I refuse to give up.

So what do I do? Easy? I keep working at it. I play the long tones… I do
the lip slurs… I play the etudes and follow all the instructions that my
teacher gave me (along with some that were provided from trusted sources). More
than the first two reasons – I just love the trumpet and jazz too much to give
up. I want to be good at this so very badly? maybe too badly.

Something has got to give but it won't be me…